{"id":876,"date":"2013-10-28T21:30:36","date_gmt":"2013-10-28T19:30:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.bystrahyena.cz\/?p=876"},"modified":"2013-11-01T10:45:14","modified_gmt":"2013-11-01T08:45:14","slug":"premierem-bude-skromach-upekl-to-v-bazenu-z-gumotexu","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.bystrahyena.cz\/?p=876","title":{"rendered":"Premi\u00e9rem bude \u0160kromach, m\u00e1 nejlep\u0161\u00ed baz\u00e9n"},"content":{"rendered":"

Praha<\/em> – P\u0159ed\u010dasn\u00e9 parlamentn\u00ed volby budou m\u00edt zd\u00e1 se velmi p\u0159ekvapiv\u00e9 rozuzlen\u00ed. Prezidentem Zemanem osnovan\u00fd pu\u010d v \u010cSSD z\u0159ejm\u011b nevynese do premi\u00e9rsk\u00e9ho k\u0159esla ani jihomoravsk\u00e9ho Spejbla Bohuslava Sobotku, ani jihomoravsk\u00e9ho hejtmana Michala Ha\u0161ka, ale jihomoravsk\u00e9ho elektrik\u00e1\u0159e Zde\u0148ka \u0160kromacha. „Zdenda m\u00e1 nejhez\u010d\u00ed baz\u00e9n,“ vysv\u011btlil podle t\u0159et\u00edho ‚druha v pu\u010di‘ Jeron\u00fdma Tejce volbu p\u0159\u00ed\u0161t\u00edho premi\u00e9ra prezident Milo\u0161 Zeman na sobotn\u00ed konspira\u010dn\u00ed sch\u016fzce v L\u00e1nech.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n

\"zdenda\"

U\u010cEDN\u00cdK. Zden\u011bk \u0160kromach se ve vztahu ke gumov\u00e9mu baz\u00e9nku na sv\u00e9 zahrad\u011b evidentn\u011b zdokonaluje. Tak, jako m\u011bl prezident Hus\u00e1k hodiny, je nejv\u00fdrazn\u011bj\u0161\u00edm atributem \u0160kromachov\u00fdch politick\u00fdch poselstv\u00ed k n\u00e1rodu nafukovac\u00ed baz\u00e9n.<\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/p><\/div><\/td>\n

\n

\"mildaplavec\"

MISTR. Milo\u0161 Zeman proslul sv\u00fdmi dobrodru\u017en\u00fdmi v\u00fdpravami po hladin\u011b rybn\u00edka v Nov\u00e9m Vesel\u00ed na Vyso\u010din\u011b. Podle \u0161tamgast\u016f z hospody U prezidenta si chce postavit plavebn\u00ed kan\u00e1l, z\u0159\u00eddit nafukovac\u00ed rejda\u0159stv\u00ed a vstoupit tak do d\u011bjin sv\u011btov\u00e9 paroplavby.<\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/p><\/div><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

O tom, kdo sestav\u00ed vl\u00e1du tak rozhodne vztah k vod\u011b a zejm\u00e9na k vodn\u00edm nafukovac\u00edm rekvizit\u00e1m. „Jak v\u0161ichni inteligentn\u00ed lid\u00e9 v\u011bd\u00ed – v\u00e1s se to tedy pane redaktore zjevn\u011b net\u00fdk\u00e1 – m\u00e1m d\u016fv\u011brn\u00fd vztah ke sv\u00e9mu nafukovac\u00edmu \u010dlunu. Jsem p\u0159esv\u011bd\u010den, \u017ee lid\u00e9 s oblibou v nafukovac\u00edch radov\u00e1nk\u00e1ch jsou mnohem inteligentn\u011bj\u0161\u00ed a zodpov\u011bdn\u011bj\u0161\u00ed ne\u017e zbytek populace. Nedivte se proto, \u017ee\u00a0 nepov\u011b\u0159\u00edm veden\u00ed vl\u00e1dy \u010dlov\u011bka, kter\u00fd se neum\u00ed s\u017e\u00edt ani s nafukovac\u00ed ka\u010denkou,“ komentoval na pond\u011bln\u00edm p\u0159ed\u00e1v\u00e1n\u00ed st\u00e1tn\u00edch vyznamen\u00e1n\u00ed Zeman. „Ba, ba. …nebo aspo\u0148 vysokozdvi\u017en\u00fdm vozejkem,“\u00a0 doplnil dob\u0159e nalad\u011bn\u00fd exministr Miroslav Gr\u00e9gr, d\u011btinsky si cinkaj\u00edc\u00ed bly\u0161tivou medail\u00ed na hrudi.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
<\/td>\n\n

\"kluci\"

VST\u0158\u00cdC BUDOUCNOSTI. Spiklenci Jeron\u00fdm Tejc (vlevo) a Michal Ha\u0161ek maj\u00ed nyn\u00ed n\u011bkolik dn\u00ed na to, aby dohnali sv\u016fj kau\u010dukov\u00fd deficit. Hned o prvn\u00ed povolebn\u00ed ned\u011bli si proto najali osobn\u00ed kou\u010dku a pod nechali si nafouknout propaga\u010dn\u00ed sk\u00e1kac\u00ed hrad v barv\u00e1ch \u010cSSD. „Hlavn\u011b si kluci sundejte boti\u010dky a moc neblbn\u011bte,“ \u0159\u00edk\u00e1 jim tren\u00e9rka.<\/em> <\/strong><\/p><\/div><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n

<\/td>\n\n

\"SAM_3265\"<\/a>

GUMOV\u00c9 LOUTKY. V\u00e1\u0161n\u00ed poslance Jeron\u00fdma Tejce jsou pry\u017eov\u00e9 marionety. „M\u00e1m rad\u0161i Spejbla, ale te\u010f si m\u016f\u017eu hr\u00e1t jen s Hurv\u00ednkem. Ten je m\u00ed\u0148 podobn\u00fd Sl\u00e1vkovi Sobotkovi,“ vysv\u011btlil s l\u00edtost\u00ed.<\/strong><\/em><\/p><\/div><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

S\u00e1m Zden\u011bk \u0160kromach proslul churchillovsk\u00fdmi politick\u00fdmi poselstv\u00edmi od sv\u00e9ho modr\u00e9ho baz\u00e9nku. „V Austr\u00e1lii je te\u010f chladno, na V\u00e1noce to ale bude naopak,“ \u0161okoval nap\u0159\u00edklad ji\u017e v l\u00e9t\u011b neo\u010dek\u00e1vanou klimatickou viz\u00ed. „Pokud budu pov\u011b\u0159en sestaven\u00edm vl\u00e1dy, p\u0159ivezu Milo\u0161ovi v\u0161echny poslance soci\u00e1ln\u00ed demokracie t\u0159eba i na \u010dlunu – Sobotka nesobotka“! pravil na t\u00e9\u017ee akci s rozz\u00e1\u0159en\u00fdma o\u010dima a neskr\u00fdvan\u00fdm odhodl\u00e1n\u00edm \u0160kromach, kter\u00fd nev\u00e1hal jedn\u00edm dechem p\u0159idat st\u00e1tnick\u00fd koment\u00e1\u0159 k v\u00fdsledk\u016fm voleb. „Kdybychom z\u00edskali v\u00edc hlas\u016f, byl by volebn\u00ed v\u00fdsledek lep\u0161\u00ed. Bohu\u017eel je v\u0161ak hor\u0161\u00ed, proto\u017ee jsme z\u00edskali hlas\u016f m\u00e9n\u011b,“ dodal.<\/span><\/p>\n

Michal s Jeron\u00fdmem maj\u00ed pannu, Sl\u00e1vek partaj, Marie p\u00e1dlo. Co m\u016f\u017ee m\u00edt Vladim\u00edr \u0160pidla?
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n

Se ztr\u00e1tou sv\u00e9 pozice se v\u0161ak nechce sm\u00ed\u0159it korunn\u00ed a str\u016fjce v\u00edkendov\u00e9ho Sobotkova politick\u00e9ho komatu Michal Ha\u0161ek. Toho zpr\u00e1vy o \u0160kromachov\u011b zv\u00fdhodn\u011bn\u00ed zasko\u010dily natolik, a\u017e se mu rozt\u0159\u00e1sly ruce i hlas. „Nic nafukovac\u00edho mi nen\u00ed ciz\u00ed. Nap\u0159\u00edklad svou man\u017eelku jsem, stejn\u011b jako pozd\u011bji ciz\u00ed man\u017eelku, kter\u00e1 se stala mou milenkou, nahradil nafukovac\u00ed pannou,“ vyhrkl zmaten\u011b na d\u016fkaz toho, \u017ee i on je hoden Strakovy akademie. „S t\u00edm, \u017ee u\u017e nejsem tak \u010dasto pod pantoflem, jsem velmi spokojen a – stejn\u011b jako Milo\u0161 Zeman – mohu \u0159\u00edci, \u017ee m\u00e1me hezk\u00fd vztah,“ zd\u016fraznil nerv\u00f3zn\u00ed fistul\u00ed spole\u010dn\u00fd n\u00e1zorov\u00fd bod s hlavou st\u00e1tu.<\/span><\/p>\n

Podle prezidentova kancl\u00e9\u0159e, kter\u00fd si nep\u0159\u00e1l b\u00fdt jmenov\u00e1n, rozhodly ve prosp\u011bch \u0160kromacha i jeho d\u016fv\u011brn\u00e9 kontakty ve\u00a0 firm\u011b Gumotex, kter\u00e1 z\u00e1sobuje prezidentskou kancel\u00e1\u0159 cel\u00fdm sortimentem nafukovac\u00edch v\u00fdrobk\u016f od hra\u010dek pro Ka\u010den\u010diny spolu\u017e\u00e1ky p\u0159es matrace pro hradn\u00ed str\u00e1\u017e a\u017e po exkluzivn\u00ed nafukovac\u00ed jachty a sk\u00e1kac\u00ed Pra\u017esk\u00e9 hrady. Firma s\u00eddl\u00ed v B\u0159eclavi, nedaleko s\u00eddla n\u011bkdej\u0161\u00edho elektrik\u00e1\u0159e a pozd\u011b\u0161\u00edho odbor\u00e1\u0159e, poslance, sen\u00e1tora a zd\u00e1 se i premi\u00e9ra. „J\u00f3, tam jsme se nad\u011blali blbin,“ p\u0159iznal zasn\u011bn\u011b \u0160kromach.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hned pot\u00e9, co ve\u0161ly ve zn\u00e1most prezidentovy adorovan\u00e9 sympatie k nafukovac\u00edm p\u0159edm\u011bt\u016fm, se za\u010dali ve vytahov\u00e1n\u00ed \u010dlun\u016f, velryb a norn\u00fdch st\u011bn p\u0159edh\u00e1n\u011bt i dal\u0161\u00ed soci\u00e1ln\u00ed demokrat\u00e9. „V\u016fni pry\u017ee a PVC miluji u\u017e od d\u011btstv\u00ed. Ve Sn\u011bmovn\u011b si \u010dasto hraji s n\u011bkterou z m\u00e9 velk\u00e9 sb\u00edrky nafukovac\u00edch loutek a nen\u00ed snad v\u00edkendu, kdy bych nezh\u0159e\u0161il na sk\u00e1kac\u00edm hradu,“ p\u0159idal se na facebookov\u00e9m profilu Jihomoravsk\u00fdch kau\u010dukov\u00fdch z\u00e1vod\u016f Ha\u0161k\u016fv Sancho Panza Jeron\u00fdm Tejc. „M\u00e1m taky pannu a je\u0161t\u011b vodn\u00ed l\u016f\u017eko,“ trumfoval Tejc s t\u00edm, \u017ee se v b\u0159eznu dokonce z\u00fa\u010dastnil aukce o panenstv\u00ed luxusn\u00ed nafukovac\u00ed panny v Braz\u00edlii, ale neusp\u011bl. „Coby pry\u017eov\u00fd gentleman jsem ji cht\u011bl zachr\u00e1nit p\u0159ed potupou, ale p\u0159eplatil me Ra\u00fal Castro,“ komentoval smutn\u011b Tejc.<\/span><\/p>\n

S nafukovac\u00edm ky\u010deln\u00edm kloubem, ulo\u017een\u00fdm jen tak n\u00e1hodou za zadn\u00edm sklem auta, p\u0159ijel v pond\u011bl\u00ed z Vyso\u010diny p\u0159\u00edmo na prvn\u00ed zased\u00e1n\u00ed poslaneck\u00e9ho klubu ortoped Ji\u0159\u00ed B\u011bhounek, o n\u011bm\u017e se mluv\u00ed jako o mo\u017en\u00e9m ministrovi zdravotnictv\u00ed. Dosluhuj\u00edc\u00ed ministryn\u011b spravedlnosti Marie Bene\u0161ov\u00e1 si dokonce p\u0159inesla skl\u00e1dac\u00ed vesla. „U\u017e od sv\u00fdch t\u0159iceti kilogram\u016f let jsem v\u00e1\u0161niv\u00e1 vesla\u0159ka; odpoledne si to rozd\u00e1me s Milo\u0161em na rybn\u00ed\u010dku v L\u00e1nech,“ \u0159ekla. „No, ale ta p\u00e1dla se mi m\u016f\u017eou hodit i tady. Kdyby n\u011bkterej z t\u011bch v\u00fdrostk\u016f zlobil,“ dodala s energick\u00fdm odhodl\u00e1n\u00edm Bene\u0161ov\u00e1.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

P\u0159ed\u010dasn\u00e9 parlamentn\u00ed volby budou m\u00edt zd\u00e1 se velmi p\u0159ekvapiv\u00e9 rozuzlen\u00ed. Prezidentem Zemanem osnovan\u00fd pu\u010d v \u010cSSD z\u0159ejm\u011b nevynese do premi\u00e9rsk\u00e9ho k\u0159esla jihomoravsk\u00e9ho hejtmana Michala Ha\u0161ka, ale jihomoravsk\u00e9ho elektrik\u00e1\u0159e Zde\u0148ka \u0160kromacha. „Zdenda m\u00e1 nejhez\u010d\u00ed baz\u00e9n,“ rozhodl podle t\u0159et\u00edho ‚druha v pu\u010di‘ Jeron\u00fdma Tejce o nov\u00e9m premi\u00e9rovi prezident Milo\u0161 Zeman na sobotn\u00ed konspira\u010dn\u00ed sch\u016fzce v L\u00e1nech…>>><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[16],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.bystrahyena.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/876"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.bystrahyena.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.bystrahyena.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.bystrahyena.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.bystrahyena.cz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=876"}],"version-history":[{"count":34,"href":"http:\/\/www.bystrahyena.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/876\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":992,"href":"http:\/\/www.bystrahyena.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/876\/revisions\/992"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.bystrahyena.cz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=876"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.bystrahyena.cz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=876"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.bystrahyena.cz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=876"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}